Deal Breakers

I'm lying...this aint no deal breaker. Photoshop or not, I'd slap a unicyle on that mug and we'd be straight. Word to good parking.

I’ve grown, morphed, and have been stretched into ways of thinking and acceptance that the younger me would have never thought imaginable.  Still in our brave new world of everything goes and nothing is wrong, I must stand apart.  I just aint for some of these activities that stay poppin off.  Well, let me restate and be more specific.  I’m understanding of tolerance and people growing in their own time, but when it comes to my kickin it pahtna’s of the female persuasion, lines must be drawn.  So ladies and gents of IATL, I present to you some of my DEAL BREAKERS…

Remember, these are MY deal breakers.  Womens, you don’t have to like them or respect me afterwards, but know if you don’t then you probably fit two or more of the categories…

Your Mom Makes Her Booty Clap

"Oooooweee, some fool better get behind this quick."

I’ve stated this before and I’ll state it again:  My mom is a virgin.  I need no rebuttals about how ignorant that statement is or chuckles from folks who think I’m playing b/c aint really too much humor in what I’m spitting.  And her four pregnancies weren’t even of the Allen Iverson/we were just hugging and he got happy variety, I’m talking bout full on immaculate, lil white baby Jesus, conception. 

I’m NOT a Photoshop Trick

A direct rebuttal to Epiphany’s “I’m a Photoshop Trick“

(picture taken and retouched by Eli P (guest blogger))

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GUEST BLOGGER

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I feel as if maybe us retouchers and photoshop users *cough*(abusers) have maybe gotten a bad rep these days. Sure in every circumstance things are done in excess. I love myself some beer, but I recognize that moderation is the key to a good long term relationship with my favorite beverage. I never drink with the goal to get drunk, and rarely does it happen, but every now and then it sneaks up on me. As with anything, too much beer starts becoming your enemy and affecting your life in a negative way. Photoshop and image editing is no different. Well, I don’t think too much photoshopping is going to cause you to be hungover and start missing work and eventually ruin some internal organs, but you know what I mean.

You Killing the Magic, Baby…Chill pt2

Stop pointing Oprah. You aint fool nobody. We knew you had on make-up and pink lotion. Besides, we've seen The Color Purple. This is still an upgrade. You still cute to me though.

Scenario 1

It’s bout 12:30 in the morn and you’re chilling at a lounge sipping on something w/ some clear in it. This is your monthly social outing so you’ve been hollarin at the folks you haven’t seen in a second or three and right now you’re by your old homegirl, Hatetrina. Ya’ll are just shooting the breeze when you peep a fine newblood across the room. Petite-thick w/ Shoe Game Proper like…just how you like ‘em. Hatrina sees you peeped the newbie and then in her typical negative, but on point fashion, points out that ole girl’s baby doll dress w/ the large belt is probably hiding a lil pudge and that the acrylic nails she’s rocking are a lil played out.

You Killin the Magic Baby…Chill pt1

Oprah puts in work and walks around saving kids in South Africa, so aint nobody hating on whatever mutated bunion that that may be. Still if she weren't "The O", no dude would wanna know about that from the first kickin it.

I know that honesty is often hated on, but ladies, let me try to help you understand something from the general male point of view.

When a dude is first meeting and getting to know you, he doesn’t want to know what physical feature(s) of yours may take away from your “fine-ness”.

“We Should All Be Like Cigarettes” Part 1

Say what you want, but when I saw this box of “insta-deaths”, I was impressed by the honesty. Yeah, I know they were forced to do so by that big court case awhile back, but still… Being the random dude that I am, I then started thinking about how the world would be if we would just all speak the truth off top.

WARNING: No one is immune…

Have I Really Become The Stereotypical Black Male?

She's considered "dark skinned" right?

Do I really prefer light skindeded, long haired breezies? Am I just about them womens that can possibly pass for 3 different ethnicities? True I’m for the ladies with hair that if you spit on it, a light sexy curl falls on their fo’head, but am I against the ones with the lil black fists on their scalp like the ones that reside under my hat? (“Black fist” aka knaps, the original tight curl.) In short, with my woman preferences, have I really become the stereotypical (southern) black man?

A Woman’s Sexy: Swole Edition

My eyes are focused on the fact that I'm gonna be single the rest of my life.

Man, ya’ll already know these are just my ramblings…