Deal Breakers (Female Response Edition)

The lovely Miss Shelley Ro’s response to Epiphany’s “Deal Breakers” (that which will get a male/female left quick).

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GUEST BLOGGER

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Educational

1) Actually admits that he hates reading anything, not even the sports page…or the Sunday comics…

2) Only writes in cursive so that he can leave out the letters he’s not sure about

3) Gets Obama and Osama confused…”Man I just be forgetting sometime girl”

4)  Went to college just to pledge…

Entertainment

1)  Sportcenter is your only source for news and information

2) Can quote every line from the movie Friday, but has no idea who wrote and/or directed it

3) Only listens to rap and thinks r&b is weak and those are the only categories of music that count anyway…what’s that strange background noise on the hook with the nice melody?

4) Thinks reality television is real…

Religion

1) I go to church too much…don’t worry you don’t have to come

2) Constantly insists that the devil is busy…all the time…and the devil and the white man are working together to keep you down…

3) Wears pastel colored suits in the spring, with black socks…this is my list!

4) You have a picture of a Brad Pitt-esque Jesus in YOUR house

That’s Just Too Much

1) Cologne…are you covering the scent of a dead body, come on

2) You have a larger closet than I do…in your grandmama’s house…and why do you have plastic covering the seats of your Lincoln…and why does it smell like rosewater in here…

3) My spa day ended at 2pm…it’s 9 pm and you’re just finishing up your facial…

4) Every other word out of your mouth is a curse word…if you read more you’d have a larger vocabulary

5) Too many baby mamas…and you call all of them trifling b**ches

Okay…that’s different…

1) Your braids looked nice…but I can’t get down with the press and curl for special occasions

2) You need to be honest with me…you and your wife have been having problems for years…

3) After lunch and a couple of late night text sessions, you know me well enough to say, ”Baby, you think you could let me hold ‘bout fifty bucks so this girl won’t report me to the child support folks”

4) You can’t understand why my 10 year old can’t watch the other two while we go out…they’ll be asleep anyway

Not Worth a Second Look

(I had to include this one because some of these guys actually think they can pull women under these circumstances…not happening over here hon!)

1) Grabbing my behind, as if your touch will make me forget the fact that I don’t even know who you are

2) Psssssssssst, hey girl, psssssst…I don’t want to know your secret

3) Waiting until the girl you’re with goes to the bathroom and coming over trying to get my number…and some of you don’t wait

4) You don’t have a phone…not a land line, cell phone, work number…nothing…if you’re that “organic” as Epiphany says, I’m the wrong woman for you

5) You say “Ima settle down when I get old…like 30 or something”, keep it moving baby boy!