Deal Breakers

I'm lying...this aint no deal breaker. Photoshop or not, I'd slap a unicyle on that mug and we'd be straight. Word to good parking.

I’ve grown, morphed, and have been stretched into ways of thinking and acceptance that the younger me would have never thought imaginable.  Still in our brave new world of everything goes and nothing is wrong, I must stand apart.  I just aint for some of these activities that stay poppin off.  Well, let me restate and be more specific.  I’m understanding of tolerance and people growing in their own time, but when it comes to my kickin it pahtna’s of the female persuasion, lines must be drawn.  So ladies and gents of IATL, I present to you some of my DEAL BREAKERS…

Remember, these are MY deal breakers.  Womens, you don’t have to like them or respect me afterwards, but know if you don’t then you probably fit two or more of the categories…

HISTORICAL

1) Can’t name any civil rights leaders beside the Two Big M’s (Martin & Malcolm)

2) Thinks a swastika is a cool-like design for a tattoo

3) Can easily be persuaded into believing that Ghandi is a bench player for the Lakers  (a sad, but true story)

4) Attempts to argue that slavery was a good thing for Black people

5) Thought the ending to “Inglorious Basterds” was historically based

ENTERTAINMENT (Movies & TV)

1) Two of her top 3 favorite movies star Tyrese, LL Cool J, and/or Tyler Perry

2) Can name all the Flava of Love spinoffs and more than 25 characters in alphabetical order, but when you mention Public Enemy she gives the blank face

3) When speaking about Ice Cube and NWA she asks if that movie came out before or after “Are We There Yet?”

4) Is allergic to books, documentaries, and music that doesn’t cause non-face cheeks to clap

5) Isn’t down with watching “The Incredibles” (That’s just how a brotha gets down)

"Please say the 'baby'!"

SHE HAS MORE THAN ONE:

1) Gold tooth

2) Car while living with her parents

3) Divorce

4) Hair highlight color at the same time

5) Tat of a guys name

*Note:  In most of the above cases, ONE occurence of this might be the deal breaker.  But, I’ve learned to be open-minded to the mistakes we make.

YOU HAD ME AT HELLO…THEN LOST ME

1) Asks me when I’m gonna use my degree and makes references to me not having a real job

2) She looks absolutely nothing like she did from our first encounter or when she’s not under club lights (a la “I’m Gonna Get You Sucka”)

3) Talks like a person with a decent command of the English language in front of me, but when first seeing/hearing her around her friends, sentences like,

• “We the boss b**ches in this heeya motha fu@&er!!!”
• ” These hoes out here aint fu**ing with us!!!”
• “If I put this p*#@y on a nigga, I bet he go blind!!!”
• And other phrases that cause me to use asterisks, ampersands, and number signs when typing come out of her mouth

4) Doesn’t have an email address  (And that’s not b/c she’s Amish, anti-technology, or “organic”.)

5) I realize that that moth ball-like fragrance or tombstone-tongue breath she had wasn’t just a one time thing

"Man...and they wonder why Mary Magdalene wanted to be around me? Even my curls got curls."

RELIGION (Christianity)

The below are only problematic if persist.

1) Never 2nd guessed and thinks it’s extra cool-like to portray Jesus as a pretty boy long-haired Brad Pitt

2) You love the stories about Jesus in the Old Testament

3) Argues about taking EVERYTHING in the Bible literally, yet she has both eyes and hands (Mtth 5:29-30)

4) Completely closed to the fact of considering, analyzing, or respecting other religious/spiritual teachings not realizing if people of other religions/spiritualities did the same they would never consider, analyze, or respect yours

5) Only goes to church on CME Sundays and takes up all the pew spots knowing I don’t come til late.  (Hella petty and probably counter-productive on my part, I know, but look, you aint been coming…just stay at home or hit the overflow.)

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That’s it for now, but there’s more acoming.  Til we meet again…

If any womens would like to offer their deal-breakers about dudes, please let us know.  We would love your input.  Hit us up:  admin@iamthelife.net