“Stretching Moments”: Marketing Genius Taught by Rosa Acosta

Black contortionists, huh? First the sniper, now this. I hate affirmative action.

I was choppin it up w/ my good brethren the other day about the wonder of Rosa Acosta.  (Yeah, her again.)  He was initially sending appreciation my way for introducing him to Roseyboo (Miss Acosta to him), but then expressed a slight concern that her digital presence in his life may slowly chip away at his happy home 3.5 minute clips at a time.  After entertaining the idea of teaching womens in our lives to “yoga that thang” proved fruitless, we then took a dangerous step back to analyze what it is that actually made Rosa Acosta the underground star she’s become.  I say dangerous b/c after one tends to dissect a “hollow” object of affection, they’ll often discover that what was once seen as special is a bunch of things that could be found elsewhere, that you really don’t need, or that’s really not what it’s made to be.  False advertising even.  It’s kinda like when a magic trick’s revealed.  (Not to be confused w/ revealing Magic’s tricks b/c if they were discovered by Cookie, who would murder them womens for ruining her and Magic’s their “happy time”.  Anyway, I digress…)

I mean ole girl is just flesh and bone.  Admittedly her flesh sits righter on her bones than most other females I know, but she’s still just a bubble on top of some more bubbles.  Nothing that I couldn’t find if you gave me 10 seconds, broadband, and a google task bar.  (Or perhaps on a really good show night.)  True her broken english makes her more appealing since mispronunciations by fine womens adds to their appeal (while the same thing on an ugmo is just annoying), but besides that and her Play-do limberness, what’s new and special?  Some would even argue she’s not even that cute in the face (bka “haters”).  So why is she the IT girl?  How did she become so popular so fast, seemingly out of no where?  That’s when you realize it was her “stretching moment”.  Time for a marketing lesson.

(Yesssss…finally found a way to share this clip for a purpose.  A genius am I.  Don’t worry kiddies.  This is one of the more tame ones and remember, this is educational.)

You see, before she became my secret screen saver, she started w/ some very simple Youtube clips.  Nothing big.  Just stretching.  Just a ballet studio, a cheap video camera (wasn’t even in HD), some culturally influenced PG-13 porn music, some very suggestive hand movements and camera glances, and an outfit not slutted out, but small enough to show the jugulars when she bent forward and them chops when the camera man went to the back.  Then she just went through her stretch routine, put it on Youtube, and let men’s hormones do the rest.  It was educational, yet bust-it-wide-openish.  An action that’s so simple and regular for a (former) dancer like her, but became amazingly potent to launch her career.  No once else was doing it effectively and thus she had her marketing advantage.  Simple genius.  I’m sincerely envious of  her or whomever thought of the idea.  (No disrespect, but judging by her interviews, I’m having an increasingly hard time believing she was the Crang behind the gameplan.)

Amber Rose. Cold here, but colder bald. Let her join the Nia Long/Halle Berry club.

This brings to mind the “stretching moments” of other celebrities.  You’ve heard the stories.  Socialites getting banged out on a flip cam (Paris Hilton & Kim Kardashian).  Or an attractive model chopping off her hair to stand out amongst the typical long haired feminines and attracting a superstar (Amber Rose).  Or two teenage boys who didn’t like peeing w/o their pants all the way down, so they wore their clothes backwards and allowed someone to market them to chart topping success (Kris Kross).  Or a semi-popular singer catapulting her career after becoming the Airhead Overlord (Jessica Simpson).  Or one of the most influential emcees in the game getting his major start after semi-disrepecting every other popular rapper in the game til the top dog, replied to him in a verse giving him instant popularity (50 Cent).  It’s Genius Marketing 101.  Do something that’s big and out the box (even if it’s embarrassing, degrading, disrespectful, or dangerous) and get your 15 seconds.  If done well enough, anyone who follows to close to your blueprint will just be seen as cliche.

Still the success from this type of marketing is far and infrequent and even more so fleeting.  You’ve got to follow it up big.  You see Paris and Kim were already rich and connected, so after they got sliced up in night vision they flipped it into TV shows.  Kim and the new bald, stand-outish Amber snagged them two superstars to increase their shine (Reggie Bush & Kanye), while Jessica and 50 were actually making dope music to correspond w/ their celebrity already.  They just needed more people to look for them.  As for Kriss Kross…well they now take pictures like the one below.  (The Mac Daddy tells us don’t worry, he’s not losing hair from cancer, but this look is the result of alopecia and the bad judgement call of not just cutting it all the way off.)

You gotta know when to hold em and when to fold em "Mac Daddy". The comb-over can only do so much.

"Them fools don't realize that trends come back around. I'm being prophetic by still not turning my pants straight."

With that said, when I’m watching the latest  clip of Roseyboo and her body’s doing it’s best “T” impression right before she fumbles through a sentence that makes me want to rent her some Rosetta Stone CDs, don’t take me as a mere future porn collector who objectifies womens.  That’s insulting.  I’m that plus so much more.  I’m pulling for her to have continued success, while being a student and observer of her marketing genius.  I think you should do the same.

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Well, I have this discipline check point for not giving my time to too much of anything w/o purpose.  Now that I have studied and learned from the genius of Roseyboo, I must let her go.  I know that if she was really mine, that butterfly will return.  Farewell Roseyboo, farewell.  Godspeed.

Remember, Rosa...keep God first. Til we meet again...